Saturday, December 6, 2008

Catching Up

So it's been 3,047 years since I've updated my blog. Time flies when someone else is in your life.

You go from sitting on the couch like a lump watching football and contemplating leaving your clean clothes in the basket next to you and just dressing from there all week to ... Hey, you're up too? Great, let's go have breakfast. Wasn't that yummy? Too bad the cast of The Hills, a.k.a. the teens next to us, were so obnoxious. Ooo wanna go to Ulta, I hear there's a sale! Let's split this variety pack of teeny nail polish. That gloss smells num! I need to stop by Home Depot and get hardware for those shelves we're going to put up in your closet. Lord, we need to go home and clean. What in the name of Christmas have those cats been eating to make that smell come out of them?? It's like cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic herd. I need to pack my dinner. Aaand I've got to go to work while you're home for the evening, so we can swap tomorrow and I'll be home during the day while you work.

The latest ULTA acquisition, OPI's Toy Box of baby bottles of sparkly Christmas colors: Glamour Game, Brand New Skates, Little Red Wagon, Don't Toy With Me


That's not all that goes down, since Christina and I have also gotten a live Christmas tree, a first for both of us, and made several runs to storage sheds and vacuumed countless times because of the Catherd we've got (more about them in a minute). But it's a slice of how packed your day gets when there's someone else in it that causes you to live less like a teenager with a credit card and no curfew.

I've also started cooking again. I stopped when I moved to Austin and no longer lived with my best friend and her hungry boy, because one thing my grandmother didn't teach me about cooking was how to do it for one. Very quickly into my relationship with Christina I realized despite how appealing it sounded, we could *not* go to Chuy's 24/7, and I also realized very quickly that Christi does *not* cook. She can clean a kitchen in 10 seconds flat, though, so it's been working out great. The only thing is that I'm a messy cook, and sometimes dirty a lot more stuff than I should, so she sometimes finds herself loading the dishwasher and wondering aloud, "How the hell did the lawnmower figure into making chili???"


We've also gone through being sick at the same time. For those of you who have not experienced this with your significant other, let's just say the romantic veil that surrounds him or her in your eyes gets suddenly torn off and set aflame, and you see that person for everything he or she is, phlegm and fever and all. You don't judge, though, because you're just as disgusting, and you can't believe this person still wants to kiss you and love on you considering how funky you've gotta be looking at this moment.

Being sick made me realize I'm at my best when I'm in a relationship. And Amy Zerba, before you completely rotoate into the ground over that statement, lemme explain. By myself, when I was sick I whined and complained a lot to my empty house, didn't get out of bed except to go to work, and didn't really eat right in order to get better. With Christina, I really sucked it up and tried to feel better so I could take care of her since if there was gonna be cookin' I was gonna do it. I was motivated to get food that was good for us and keep up with our medicine intake, as well as preparing the infamous whiskey-honey-lemon nighttime cocktail. Essentially, when I was concentrating on making her better, I got better because I felt like I had to. And I think that's a small facet of how a relationship makes me better: it takes me outside of myself, outside my head (where I can sometimes live) and lessens any crises or worries I have. And that's pretty cool.

So I know I was gonna talk about the cats, but that's really another entry all to themselves. And you'll understand why. Plus I need visual aids to help you understand the dynamics of our Catherd.

So I'll leave you with this, the hardest-rocking little kid that ever knew the words to "You Give Love A Bad Name" and attended a Rutgers game:

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Question and Answer with Critia

Due to some confusion, bewilderment and surprise at the new love in my life, I have prepared an FAQ to assist some my friends and chosen family. For those of you who haven't heard, or haven't met her, I'm dating possibly the most wonderful girl in the world and her name is Christina. Email me for details...

Christina hangin' with Elaina and some of the kids from The Company




1) So, was your dating life with guys such a disaster that you just switched to girls and gave up?

Well, yeah it *was* kind of a disaster, but a lot of it was I wasn't finding what I was looking for. I honestly believe that people are like puzzle pieces: you can bang them together to make them lock up, but in the end you damage both pieces and the fit isn't good anyway.

When I met Christina, the fit was perfect. I had this secret checklist that only God and I knew about, and I honestly thought I'd never find anyone that met everything on that list until I met her. I really struggled for what seems like forever with this conundrum: if I've found what I'm looking for in a person, am I going to let society dictate who I'm in a relationship with because she's a girl? Should I pass up a shot at happiness that seems surer than any other so far because people like Fred Phelps think it's wrong?

Yeah, y'all know how I feel about society anyway.


2) Wow, I kinda don't know how to act around you now. Will you get offended if I talk about hot guys, or want to get pedis, or go shopping?

I promise you I am the *exact* same person I was two weeks ago, two months ago. I still think some men are attractive (Gerard Butler), effing LOVE pedis at Maximum FX, and can't wait to drop 30-40 lbs so I can fit into some hot designer labels. You don't have to edit yourself around me, in fact, I highly discourage it. I don't like my friends edited, I prefer the director's cut.

3) Isn't this a bit sudden?

Well, I've never been one to be patient, plodding, wait around for a sign or a course of action. I was told once by someone I admired to "pick a star and follow it." I could list all the signs, portents, and coincidences that led me to believe this is the right path, but no one would understand them but me, because that's how those things are, highly specific to whatever person is supposed to get the message.

The upshot, kids, is that at the core of my being I am confident that this is what I need to do. Plus Katy Perry and a catchy beat told me to do it. :-)

4) So are you gonna stop wearing makeup altogether, chop your hair and wear flannel?

Yyyyyeah, right after I chuck it all and become a trucker. Admittedly my appearance has taken a serious downturn because of my general attitude toward my vocation and my life, but that's going to change, and it started last night. I even got hit on by the valet, so apparently the "cougar" stamp is still on my forehead.

And mullets are so over with.

5) I'm your friend and I'm a girl. Will you at any point hit on me?

YES. Expect that any time now. Seriously, a hug's still just a hug, a compliment is still just support from one sister to another. Nothing about how I feel about my friends has changed at all. Honestly, I'm just attracted to Christina, and not anymore anyone who'll buy me tequila.. :-P

6) I'm your friend and I'm a guy. This is kinda hot.
Yes, Scott Foil, I know. Now please let some other people ask some questions...

7) Do you no longer have a reflection?
We've been over this, Phil, it's a partial image...

8) I think that being gay is morally and/or biblically wrong.
Who let Sarah Palin in here? ... Yeah, then I'm not sure why you were my friend to begin with. I mean, you *know* me, right?

9) Can you help me fix my car?
Unfortunately dating a girl didn't automatically give me the lesbian superpowers I'd hoped for, like furniture construction and auto repair. And according to Elaina and Phil I still have the music tastes of a gay man.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

I HEART Amy Poehler

Jesus, gawd:

Top Sports Phrases I Never Want to See Again

Working in the sports department and being a sports junkie, I've come across some really ridiculous verbiage in my time. Here's the Top 10 phrases that are driving me crazy right now.

10. "(Team name) dishes out some home cookin'." It's played, it's old, people were saying it in the '50s. None of those boys can cook anyway.

9. "When you talk about the Cowboys, you talk about a team that..." Troy Aikman is terrible about this; of *course* you're talking about the team, Troy, that's the purpose of your sentence. I've seen this creeping into print.

8. Mixed terminology: "The Texas Longhorns' defense pitched a shutout against quarterback Chase Daniel." It's not cute, it's just inherently wrong. Stop it.

7. "... the Southlake Carroll product's record..." He's a guy, not a product. No wonder there's so much commercialism of athletes.

6. "put on a clinic" ESPN pretty much killed this one. The first time I heard it, I said, "..huh, I've never heard that before.." The next 357,294 times, it made me crazy. The lameness factor counts double in print, triple in display type.

5. A "pitching duel". The pitchers never directly compete against each other, idiot. Don't make up impossible scenarios because your copy's weak.

4. "Youth is served." As what, dinner? What does this even MEAN? I've never seen this outside of sports copy.

3. A star player being described as a "stud". Don't be a jock-sniffer. Squelch the hero-worship.

2. Abbreviated nicknames. A-Rod, Man-Ram, K-Rod, D-Mac, JoePa, T.O., L.T., just stop it. Spend a little more effort, and you get the Nigerian Nightmare (Christian Okoye), the Splendid Splinter (Ted Williams), Andre "Bad Moon" Rison, and The Fridge (William Perry). Come on, sports writers, pick up your game.

1. Gridders, cagers, thinclads, spikers, grapplers, harriers, hurlers, and tankers. If you're writing for a small-town Texas newspaper in 1950, go nuts. Here in the century WE live in, nobody knows what the hell you're talking about except that 80-year-old guy who comes in for Friday night football to take scores.
This particular speech resonates with our current situation:
"Yet our distress comes from no failure of substance. We are stricken by no plague of locusts. Compared with the perils which our forefathers conquered because they believed and were not afraid, we have still much to be thankful for. Nature still offers her bounty and human efforts have multiplied it. Plenty is at our doorstep, but a generous use of it languishes in the very sight of the supply. Primarily this is because the rulers of the exchange of mankind’s goods have failed, through their own stubbornness and their own incompetence, have admitted their failure, and abdicated. Practices of the unscrupulous money changers stand indicted in the court of public opinion, rejected by the hearts and minds of men.

True they have tried, but their efforts have been cast in the pattern of an outworn tradition. Faced by failure of credit they have proposed only the lending of more money. Stripped of the lure of profit by which to induce our people to follow their false leadership, they have resorted to exhortations, pleading tearfully for restored confidence. They know only the rules of a generation of self-seekers. They have no vision, and when there is no vision the people perish.

The money changers have fled from their high seats in the temple of our civilization. We may now restore that temple to the ancient truths. The measure of the restoration lies in the extent to which we apply social values more noble than mere monetary profit.

Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort. The joy and moral stimulation of work no longer must be forgotten in the mad chase of evanescent profits. These dark days will be worth all they cost us if they teach us that our true destiny is not to be ministered unto but to minister to ourselves and to our fellow men.

Recognition of the falsity of material wealth as the standard of success goes hand in hand with the abandonment of the false belief that public office and high political position are to be valued only by the standards of pride of place and personal profit; and there must be an end to a conduct in banking and in business which too often has given to a sacred trust the likeness of callous and selfish wrongdoing. Small wonder that confidence languishes, for it thrives only on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection, on unselfish performance; without them it cannot live."

These are not the eloquent words of speechwriters employed by Barack Obama or John McCain. These words come from the inaugural address of Franklin Delano Roosevelt on March 4, 1933, in his first term as president in the depths of The Great Depression.

In his second inaugural speech in 1937:
"I see one-third of a nation ill-housed, ill-clad and ill-nourished.... The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little."

We should be so lucky if our newly-elected president heeded the words of FDR.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Good God, y'all

Proof positive I'm not the most warped crayon in the box. Witness:

Friday, August 22, 2008

The No Duh Statement of the Week

From a story out of the London bureau of The Company:

Experts say European papers are prospering largely because they haven’t followed the U.S. path of draconian — and self-defeating — cuts in scope and quality of coverage.
“It’s a mystery to me why (U.S.) publishers think people will pay more for less, especially when the online world offers so many alternatives,” said George Kennedy, a professor emeritus at the University of Missouri School of Journalism.


*sigh.* And that's really all I have to say about that.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Critia's rules of surviving a horror movie

  • If a fallen angel wants to have sex with you, under no circumstances let him. Do not have sexual relations with anyone else, either, because it's just him in disguise.

  • Even if the vampire's got your mom, never, ever go looking for them until dawn. If he wanted to do harm to his abducted victim, he could do it faster than you got there anyway. Does the term "bait" mean anything to you?

  • Not a lot of things survive fire. Best to pack a lighter and some flammable liquid in case stakes, bullets, etc. aren't doing the trick. When all else fails, Molotov cocktails may be the perfect weapon.

  • If you are bitten by a vampire, werewolf, zombie, etc., you're dead, man. Don't try to hide it from your friends and pretend it's going to go away. Opt for death while you're still human, because even after you've turned, your buddies won't be able to stomach killing you.

  • If your bitten buddy decides to split off from the gang and try to take out as many of the enemy threat as possible, start blasting away when you see him or her again. No matter what mind tricks are employed, that ain't your friend anymore, man.

  • Holy water's never a bad thing to have. Neither is a gun.

  • Learn from "Shaun of the Dead." Everyday objects, including the high heels you just tripped on, can be weapons; get creative.

  • Speaking of those high heels, if you're being chased, just take 'em off and run. And if you fall, GET UP. No one's coming to help you, no matter how loud you scream.

  • It always helps to have a friend who's a witch.

  • Supernatural informants are always hanging out in dark clubs full of malevolent creatures. Have an escape plan. And have a Plan B.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Throw your hands up, Austin

Ladies and gentlemen of the ATX, hold your heads high, we've been named by Forbes as the hardest-drinking city in America. I'd like to think I contributed to our award and this distinction, and I'd like to thank the members of the academy, the fine folks at the Mean-Eyed Cat, Little Woodrow's, Trudy's for their Mexican Martinis, Cedar Door, Gingerman, Opal's Sixth, The Tiny Bar, Mother Egan's....

Raise a glass to yourselves, Austin. Stay classy!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Visual thinking

Play along, if you'd like. Here's how it works:

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Big Huge Lab’s mosaic maker. It's fun and free.

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What did/do you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One Word to describe you.
12. Your flickr name.

Here's mine:

Top 11 picks of the summer (so far)

1. Plain yogurt for sunburns: Cooling, refreshing, and yummy with mandarin oranges and almonds.

2. Random quotes from "Clue": "I hated her SO much, I- flames, on the side of my face, breath- heav- flames..."

3. Peach daiquiris: Fruity, cold, I can't get blitzed on them. Score.

4. Younger men: *Sigh* might as well not buck the trend.

5. Aaron Rodgers over Brett Favre: Apparently it takes retirement to realize you don't like your wife and playing a children's game is more fun than painting the house.

6. MySpace stalking: All the cool kids are doing it, just ask Elaina.

7. "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog": I heart Joss Whedon; the man's a genius. And I have always kind of rooted for the villain.

8. Cowboys training camp: Zach Thomas is finally where he belongs, Witten and Romo are together and not in Mexico, and "Hard Knocks" is back. We can only hope Wade Phillips doesn't channel Dave Campo, repeating the same line to every guy he cuts: "We 'preciate ya woik ethic, and tha way ya go aboutcha byas-ness." Dufus.

9. "Bull Durham": Revisit this. Saw it last week with my BFF Elaina, who'd never seen it before. The opening Crash speech is the most famous quote (and I think everyone should have their own version), but man, there is some great stuff further along.

10. Twitter: Breezy back-and-forth snark with my peeps delivered instantly, except when we see the birdies trying to lift the whale. Tweet, damn you, I command it!

11. Reddish hair: I highly recommend it. It's apparently giving me a sassy attitude, and now I understand Katherine and Rae can't *help* but be forces of nature with this kind of hair color.

Also, I said earlier I'd tell you what happened after the George Michael concert. I wrote the blog, read it and started to post it last night when I realized how NC-17 it is. So I'll tell you privately if you ask, and it's really a better spoken-word story, but I'm not putting that stuff in print.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Shake your stuff, by George

On the 13th, I drove 4 hours north to the Metroplex to fulfill an 8th-grade dream: to share oxygen with George Michael.

I arrived early, as has become my custom these days, and checked out the area around the hotel I was sharing with my friend Phil. Marble Slab, 24-hour cute little diner, and Pei Wei: SCORE. I nommed at Pei Wei and gabbed with Elaina, who at one point said something so funny, I inhaled Dan Dan noodles up the nose, complete with Sichuan pepper bits. So I'm coughing, my eyes are watering, I'm trying to breathe to drink some tea, and I never put down my cell phone. 'Cuz I'm a gamer like that.

Finally Phil hauled his cookies from Denton to our hotel, after his friend (who's a shrew) insisted on helping him get ready, then taking forever and keeping the beauty supplies. Wench almost made me late for George. So after a quick freshen-up, me and Phil, sporting Kenneth Cole sprinkled throughout our ensembles (we heart him), headed downtown.

So we're driving around and driving around trying to find parking, and mind you, I've never been to this place, so it seems like I know what I'm doing, but in reality I don''t know where the hell I'm going. ("Let good thoughts be your sword and shield."... "Maps are cheating.") We quickly realized neither one of us had cash to pay for parking, and I was angling toward a parking garage which I felt sure would take plastic, but one of Dallas' finest, who were directing traffic, sternly and firmly directed me into the other lane. He was hot and in uniform, so I of course took orders without even thinking; Phil totally didn't blame me.

We circled and circled, before finally finding an ATM on Cedar Springs (of course). We had a semi-George moment with Kenny Goss in front of his gallery, and we knew instantly the pop gods were smiling on us. SCORE #2. This was confirmed as we picked our way back to the AAC; usually, my sense of direction sucks, but it seemed for an instant I knew exactly where I was going instinctually. We slid into a lot within sight of the East entrance, hopped out, and after about 5 minutes of walking, realized we'd both made tragically poor footwear choices. We looked cute, but oh, the pain to follow...

We get past the metal detectors (!), and as we're trying to pick our way to the correct escalator leading to our section, in the crush of people Phil points out there's this guy who's dressed completely like George Michael. According to the Dallas Observer's Rich Lopez, this guy was milling around at intermission asking people if they were going to the after party and expecting people to want pictures with him. The giveways: creepy lurching, big gut, bad teeth, terrible English accent.

After walking a very painful 37.83 miles to the West side of the arena, getting bumped down and coming back around, we got into our two seats at the end of the row and they were ridiculous. Not in position, but in size. Airline seats are spacious La-Z-Boys compared to the milk crates they squeeze you into at the AAC, and poor Phil, who's like, 8 feet tall, could just not physically pretzel himself into the seat. Frustrated (and I couldn't blame him), he went to get a Coke, and came back motioning to me. He had mentioned his predicament to the security chick, and she let us sit in a row of folding chairs down below, eeeeven closer. SCORE again, because the only thing separating us from George was a thin Plexiglas barrier and a few hundred feet. Sigh...

And so we waited. For almost an hour. And the crowd performed several successful arena-wide waves. Which would have been fine, except the tickets said "Show starts 8 p.m. prompt, no opening act." Lies, all lies.

After a couple of false alarms, the huge digital screen flowing like a waterfall into the crowd finally lights up and we hear George's dulcet tones. "Where is he?" "Is he there?" Aaaaand the lights come up, and more than 10,000 people, myself included, completely lose their shit. Strap in, and here we go.



THE SETLIST:
First Half:
• Waiting (Reprise): The screens reminded me of the iTunes visualizer. Which is good, because I love that thing.
• Fast Love/I'm Your Man: After this one, George asked our forgiveness, I'm assuming for the 50 minute wait. He then stated how good it was to be home (yay Dallas) and vowed to "work my ass off for you tonight." It was confirmed that he can, indeed, still shake his ass.


• Father Figure
• Hard Day
• Everything She Wants: during this, there was footage on the big screen of old-school Wham! in China... Sniff!
• One More Try
• Easier Affair: George made reference in this song to all the girls who wished he'd be a straight family man. I'm sorry George, the "Faith" video made me feel funny in the 8th grade, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.
• Too Funky: God, I love this video and it was great to see it again. It was so good to see Naomi before she started throwing phones at people.
• Star People

Somewhere in the first half, he was genuinely taken aback by the crowd support. He declared us the best audience of the tour so far, and we were pretty into it. My God, man, we love you! Didn't you know??? He then took a 20-minute breather to contemplate our love.

Second Half:
• Faith: Aaaaah, I love this song. This is really where the George Michael singalong in the Center got into full swing, as those of us who remember that scruff and that cross earring belted out "when that love comes down with-out devotion" at the top of our lungs. Several times during the show, including this one, the crowd was singing as loud as the band was playing. Holla, Big D.
• Spinning The Wheel
• Feeling Good
• Roxanne: George let us in on the backstory of the accompanying video, taken of hookers in the red-light district of Amsterdam.
• Kissing A Fool
• Amazing: George took a moment to give a shoutout to his very understanding partner, Kenny Goss, relating that he wrote this song for him. A very sweet moment. Now get on with the ass-shaking, man.
• Flawless: Mr. Panayiotou claimed he was told this was the gayest song he'd ever written/sung. The center screen then splashed with freedom rings. You go, Georgios.
• Outside: This one began with a chopper sound and the lights dimming. We lost sight of George. There was confusion... Then he popped out in a cop uniform. Ahh. Cuff me, officer.



First Encore: Yeah, like we were going anywhere.
• Different Corner: my favorite George Michael ballad. Sigh.
• Careless Whisper: Okay, so I sang at the top of my lungs on this one, as did the rest of the crowd, like I was in the 5th grade again. It's Careless effing-Whisper, man. It was a moment.



Second Encore: He had to promise us this would be the last song so we'd leave.
Freedom 90, Freedom Reprise

His band was great, his backup singers were fierce, and I thought we were gonna have a George Michael down as he tripped over the edge of the waterfall stage and almost face-planted. I would have caught him.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Tessie's revenge

Johnny Damon gets his Eff You from the baseball gods
and Royal Rooters everywhere...

This, from the AP:
Johnny Damon went up for the ball and put his always vulnerable left shoulder in harm's way.

For a moment, it looked like he had made a spectacular catch, the kind that changes games, the kind that makes momentum. But when he hit the left-field wall, the ball popped out of his glove, bounced and sat on the top of the fence, as if mocking the New York Yankees.

Finally, it fell and rolled back into play, and by the time Damon lobbed it back in, Kevin Youkilis had a triple and two RBIs, and the score was tied in the third. Two innings later, the Boston Red Sox got their knockout, a three-run home run by Mike Lowell, and went on to beat the Yankees, 6-4, Friday afternoon before 55,130 at Yankee Stadium. Josh Beckett pitched six solid innings to get the win.

First and foremost, I'm lovin' the Beckett win, because my future ex-boyfriend needs his swagger back. But what might actually outweigh that is Johnny "Judas" Damon not only hurt his left shoulder on the play, but looked like a complete idiot when the ball finally came off the wall and landed feet from his lunk head. It became obvious after a few seconds Damon had no idea where the ball was, and the guys down at the bottom, behind the screen, were frantically pointing and yelling in an attempt to direct him. Classic.

Happy Fourth, Yanks. Enjoy that left-fielder; at least he's not making time with Madonna.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Beating boys is fun

So guess who came in second in the Euro 2008 pool? Yeah, baby, yours truly! I got $30, but worth more than that was soundly beating Chris Hanna, Kevin Lyttle and the boss. Not that I have anything against those guys, just the opposite. It's just that it's always good to remind guys that girls know sports, too. Sometimes better than them.

I'd like to thank Spain, who got me my $30. A special thanks to hot keeper Iker Casillas, and his talented hands. And for deflecting those goals as well. (rimshot)

Iker Casillas celebrates winning my affection.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

What about in this turbine?

Get settled in, don't be drinking or eating anything, and have the sound on. I post this because I love you.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Settle in children, we've got a lot to cover

So leading off, Teresa had her going-away party at Beauty Bar last Wednesday. There was dancing on the table, and even Jason Whaley came out. So after a couple of tequila shots and a couple of Crown and Cokes, I remembered why mixing liquors is a bad, bad idea. My mental capacity was perfectly fine, but my stomach said, "Naw!" Fortunately, there was no hurlage, because I stopped myself like a big girl.

Ya see, the whole tequila thing started innocently (as they always do) with me buying Teresa a shot as soon as I got there. So I bring it to her, and she tells me she "can't do tequila." Well, I've never been one to force anyone to drink anything, so there I was with two shots of Patron in my hands. What am I gonna do, pour them over Alan Trubow's head? (Not entirely a bad idea, in hindsight.) So I slam 'em, like the gamer I was raised to be (thank you journalism), and Melanie Spencer's husband and Brian Diggs see what I just shot, marvel accordingly, and then Diggsy says, "Aw man, I want one. Will you do a shot with me?"

Now when my friends ask me to do a shot with them, you guys know what your girl Critia is gonna say. Will I have a shot, yes I will, cheers thanks a lot, ooo it burns, thank you very much, yes I'd like another. So shot taken, tummy angered, I walked outside to get some fresh air and wandered into the most bizarre convo triangle: Whaley, Trubow, and Tim Eaton. I thought I'd really had too much, until I realized, "Y'know, Self, a lot of this wouldn't make sense if you were completely sober." Then I somehow slipped into a conversation with Mel Spencer's husband about Baylor football, and that's when I knew the night had taken a turn for the weird.

All in all, a good time was had, and weirdly the only person I know with pics is Trubow, which he's not forking over. As it is, I had to steal this one:

A group shot before shots. It would be a lot bigger if I didn't have to rip it off Alan's Facebook.



So the following Monday, me, Lori, Etienne and Tim piled in my car and went to Schlitterbahn. First I had to peel me and Tim off the roof of my car, because I'm not sure who was more excited. I mean, E and Lo were amped, but me and NomNom had the crazy eye, and at one point I actually caught myself bouncing up and down as we were shoving our stuff in the lockers.

It was an overcast day, not too hot, about 4 p.m. when most everyone else was tuckered out and had left. So our first ride, man, the water was cold! As we floated down one of the longer tube rides, Etienne and I kept looking at each other with these ear-to-ear grins, throwing up the metal/horns sign, and shouting "come AWN!" I think the other park patrons thought we'd come on the special bus. Best of all though, at the end of the ride, on the steep incline before it drops you into the deep pool at the end of the ride, I took out a guy taking his sweet time exiting the staging area. Hells yeah.

The lagoon several of the rides dump you in



Afterward was more fun and frivolity while trying to hang on to our sunglasses (Lori and Tim: FAIL), lolling around in the large pool, debating tube size vs. butt sinkage/lack of aqualocomotion, and generally running around like teenagers on Jolt. I remembered my mortality halfway down the soda straws, that I could indeed bang my head on the side, break my neck and slide lifeless down a plastic cylinder. That's about the time that I spun around the entire circumference, causing that fluttery-tummy feeling that roller coasters do, and I'd forgotten until that point that when my tummy feels like that, my mouth opens and my body automatically emits a high, shrill scream characteristic of 4-year-old girls everywhere. When I finally exited the Tube of Death, the Three Amigos almost drowned themselves laughing so hard at me.

We saw some teenage girl walking around with a temporary tattoo anchor, and immediately we had to have one too. We're standing in line, and there was some waffling before the anchors were decided on, when this weird girl in front of me starts talking to us about absolutely nothing. You know those times when you're talking to strangers, and the conversation naturally dies, and like a normal person, you turn back around? Yeah, she kept hitting banal topics with the damn electric paddles to keep them from dying. She'd turn around, and just when I thought I heard the flatline, here's she'd be in my grill again. And, OF COURSE, she worked there.



We played some more, and were walking back from the tube ride that shoots you into the Comal River when we heard the announcement that the park was closing. Actually, between me and Lo getting out of the water and the announcement, Nom squeezed in a ride on a nearby body slide. He was pretty unstoppable...

The River Tube Chute



We had gotten SplashCash (which I HIGHLY recommend), and were able to refund our unspent tickets for cash. As the light was fading and we were collecting our stuff, Nom and I snapped these:


Afterward, we had the best ending to a Texas play day: beer and barbecue at Rudy's in New Braunfels. I contemplated taking a pic of my Lone Star and brisket, it was so damn good.

So we're definitely going back, we've honed our battle strategy, and there might be a special guest star on the next one; stay tuned!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Hot new artist

Just heard this song, can't get it out of my head. She's not available on the U.S. iTunes store, so I might have to take a dip in the torrent pool:

03.Like A Bullet - Stefanie Heinzmann

U.S.- heyyyyyy....

"I love a woman with whom I can share hair-care product."


So I know many of you did not watch the absolute 8-0 ass-beating that the U.S. soccer squad, bench, and eventually some homeless guys dealt out to hapless Barbados. Yes, Barbados, the country that is begging on their website for people to play on their team.

Since World Cup qualifying is starting, and our U.S. boys are beginning their travels across the world, let me introduce you to our finest defender, Carlos Bocanegra. This 29-year-old California native was recently released from his contract with Fulham FC of the English Premier League (so he's back on our soil, ladies). According to the U.S. team site, Carlos loves Mexican food and bagels, his nickname is Los, and I swear to Kenneth Cole I'm not making up this next part, enjoys watching "The O.C." and long walks on the beach.

I just don't even know what to do with that....

Saturday, June 14, 2008

In case you needed reminding

"I may be psychotic, but I'm still pretty."


So I'm listening to a pop station on the iTunes, and the new Mariah Carey comes on, "Touch My Body." So it's all trampy and "loosen up my buttons" like you'd expect, except this is interspersed in the lyrics:
"Cause if you run your mouth and brag
About this secret rendezvous
I will hunt you down"
So Mimi just wants to remind you that although she's pretty, and can sing sugary-sweet ballads, inside that sometimes crowded head is the personality of a serial killer. It's like "Silence of the Lambs" meets "Glitter."

Don't you want to see that movie now?

A Thing of Beauty

I've always thought of food and drink as more than fuel (which is how I got the body type I have now). My grandmother taught me at an early age that food and drink can be beautiful, almost making it taste better. So you can understand why I really, really want a latte right now:

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Evening things out

In the wake of the ridiculousness that is Cedric Benson and Pacman Jones, as a football fan it was really great to read this story by Peter King about an Iowa town of about 1,800 that was struck by a tornado a couple of weeks ago. This was the hometown of four current NFL players, including Green Bay defensive end Aaron Kampman, who rushed back home as soon as he heard the news.

I strongly suggest you read the entire article, because it does show that not all NFL players are the selfish bastards that have been making the news lately. Here's a snippet:

When Kampman walked a couple of blocks over to his high school football coach's house, his heart sank. Thomas and his wife were outside ... outside of nothing but rubble.

"I see Aaron coming,'' Thomas said, "and I just started crying. I lost it. And he gives me a big hug and says, 'Coach, everything will be OK.'"

Kampman stayed for the day and was one of a swarm of volunteers who removed rubble, chain-sawed fallen trees and worked the phones trying to raise money for relief efforts. The other NFL guys from the area pitched in too, vowing to come and help the recovery and send aid.


Nice to see NFL players who understand there's something bigger than themselves.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Jim McKay 1921-2008


Jim McKay brought us the horror of the Munich Olympics, my first look at Moscow and its minarets, the reckless wildness of competitive surfing, and was the unforgettable voice in ABC's Wide World of Sports opener: "Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of sport, the thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat; the human drama of athletic competition. This is ABC's Wide World of Sports." He launched Evel Knievel, and brought Muhammed Ali into our homes.

He introduced me to Nadia Comaneci and Mario Andretti, and opened my eyes to other sports besides the Big 3. More than anything, as a little girl he fueled my unbridled love for the Olympics and all that it could mean, all the promise that they held every four years. Back then in the waning days of the Cold War, when films like "Red Dawn" were made about our fears of Communists with imperialist goals, Jim McKay put into context how important it was that the U.S. and U.S.S.R. compete on a level playing field together and athletes interact, just to prove JFK's point that we are all all mortal and all inhabit this earth.

I also got a weekly world cultures lesson from Jim McKay, revealing to me why U.S.S.R. was on their singlets rather than Russia, that Spain calls itself España, and that while it was the United Kingdom, they competed as Great Britain and Ireland and there's a great bit of fighting about a little place called Northern Ireland.

He considered horse racing one of his favorite sports, and it's a shame that he won't be here to see Big Brown win the first Triple Crown since Affirmed did it in 1978.

Rest in peace, Jim.

Opening round

Congratulations, Jan Koller and the Czech Republic, for the Euro 2008 opening match win. Granted, Switzerland are terrible, but you were in their house and all. Good luck Wednesday against Cristiano Ronaldo and Portugal, my friends.

One of the things I had forgotten that I love about soccer is the Scottish on-air crew. There's usually at least one guy with an accent, and when he's doing play-by-play you never see him, so you can always picture Gerard Butler speaking to you, shirtless, making you creme brulee or something. Even when you see the guy (like today), and he's pudgy and bald, it makes him just a little sexier. Sigh. GO SCOTLAND. Oh, wait, they're not in Euro...

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

The Tuesday Tattoo

Everybody was tattoo-fighting.. aren't the Swiss lovers, not fighters? What precision; check out the stick height and stick flashes. These guys even have their own line of sticks...

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Imaginary friends can be more fun

Or at least that's what this web series is saying. I stumbled upon it, and holy God, is it funny. Being a single girl in a sea of coupled-up friends, there were plenty of "hell yeah!" moments for me. And for those of you who were part of the "bitch name" conversation so long ago, note the first imaginary friend's name. The moral of the story: when you're single, you almost always feel like the odd person out. Some of us are apparently more odd than others.



Check out the rest of the eps at imaginarybitches.com.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Shia's last name makes me giggle

Pretty much how I feel about the new Indiana Jones:



I'm not going to bust out any spoilers, but let's just say the supernatural element that's in the other movies is just too much for me to swallow in this one. As my friend Addie says, "TRISTE!"

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Tuesday Tattoo

A shout-out to Dr. Jenny Mann: ROLL TIDE!

Friday, May 23, 2008

Raiders, march

So I tried to organize a band of folks to go see the new Indiana Jones tomorrow. Response was tepid, because everyone wanted to see it with their spouse or had already seen it or heard that it sucked, but I'm going anyway. This time it's really not about the gang, it's about seeing the latest installment of a movie series I positively adore (well, except for Temple of Doom). And apparently it's supposed to springboard Shia LeBeouf's character into an adventure series of his own. Rock on.

I have to say, though, that every time I try to slate something, especially during the day that doesn't involve adult beverages and staying out 'til 4 a.m., and the majority are all, "Mehhh," it really makes me want to quit suggesting anything.

We need a cruise director, dammit. And maybe some social initiative.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I must be doing something right

I've had about 5 hours of sleep, and am currently debating about whether to go to the gym. And here's the backstory.

Lori emailed me last night because our friend Meghan was throwing our friend Addie a party for her nuptials this weekend. Originally it was at a restaurant, but Meegs shifted gears and decided to host at her casa. I was up, doing my "last night off" thing, which includes loud music in my headphones and about 20 different tasks on my computer, and Lori wanted to make sure I had the 411 and was coming. So I asked her to give me a wake-up call at 10 a.m. to get my butt moving.

Now some of you may think, "Gee, that's kinda late to get up," but consider that I didn't even hit the pillow until about 4:30 a.m. at the earliest. Plus the usual tossing and turning at 8 a.m. when the kiddo upstairs awakes and starts sprinting around the house. So 10 a.m. came pretty early, but I cruised to the party. It was lovely, if you were wondering.

After the party, and here's the crux of the story, I went back to Lori's to hang until she had to leave for work. She just got a Wii Fit, and has been hearing about Raeanne's crack-like fixation with hers. One of the things you do when you set up a profile is do a bunch of testing to determine your "fitness age," rather than chronological. Ladies and gentlemen, my fitness age is 31, three years younger than I am. Hell yeah!

So that's why I'm seriously considering going to the gym, despite the fact that I may actually fall asleep on one of the cardio machines. Consequently I should pick the ones you sit down on, rather than the treadmill, which I would stumble and face-plant on, or the elliptical, which would thwap me in the head with the hand thingys when I snoozed off and let go. Let hilarity ensue....

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Historical, rather than hysterical, fashion

So I was watching a History International channel show on Henry VIII's building projects (don't judge me), and they flashed a picture of Anne Boleyn. And something hit me.

After Googling, I am apparently the last person on earth to realize this, but there's something very familiar about Anne's necklace in the portrait that was made just before they chopped her head off. It's Betty Suarez's necklace from Ugly Betty!

Two girls who've gotten a raw deal from the pretty people....

Thursday, May 15, 2008

The song remains the same

So Saturday I was able to attend my friend Trey's birthday party. Trey and I were in the marching band, a.k.a. Boot Camp, together and haven't seen each other since 1996, and it was really great to see him again.

Trey was part of a quartet of trombone players we simply referred to as "The Trombones." This is funny to me now, because there were at least 10-12 other trombone players in the section, all good people whose names we knew and spent just as much time with. But Trey, James, Brandon and David were singular boys who stood out from their section and most of the band. They were raucous, funny, bawdy, daring, and mischievous, but could also be kind, loyal, dedicated, talented, and thoughtful. They were both comic relief and musical anchors of our ensemble. Those of us fortunate enough to be in the "Pride of Lion Country" drumline spent about 3-4 hours a day a few yards from these guys, and just grew to love 'em. there are really a thousand stories from literally a hundred people about them. Here's one that's all mine.

My senior year, the fellas all had girlfriends at Homecoming, and as were most band kids, they were strapped for cash. Mums for girlfriends were mandatory at our school, and they were each facing a hefty $35 minimum for a bare-bones, plain mum. They knew that my crafty friend Anja had taught me how to make really good mums, so they asked me if I could do them a big favor and make mums for their girlfriends if they footed the materials bill, which would be next to nothing compared to having one made. I was really honored that they trusted me that much for something that important, because, let's face it, if you give your girlfriend a crummy mum she's got to wear all day in front of her friends, you'll be having an early night after the game.

I spent most of my free time for about two weeks trying to make the best mums I could for them, knowing that they could be in serious hot water if these things sucked. My mom was really amazed and swore they looked like $75 mums, and helped me pack them carefully into boxes for the boys. (Little did I know a few years later, she'd be calling her from her flower shop wanting step-by-step on my technique.) Showtime came Friday morning in the band hall, when I was to make the delivery on the down-low, so that they could spring them on their girls a few minutes later, and no one would be the wiser that they hadn't broken the bank. The surprise was on me, however, as they'd thrown in and gotten me a really pretty mum as a thank-you. And of all the ones I got over the years, and the one I got that day from the guy I dated, I treasured that one the most. Because it was from dear, sweet boys who were my brothers, and have now grown up to be dear, sweet men.

Watching Trey with his lovely wife Cyndi, in their beautiful home being happy, surrounded by friends who enjoy life as much as they do, is really all I could have wished for him. And I'm really, really glad I took a vacation day to see it.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Workin' it on out

Wednesday Angela and I hit the gym. I tried out the 24Hour Fitness on William Cannon, which, miraculously, is open 24 hours. (Take that, Great Hills/Arboretum 24Hour Fitness.) I really, really liked how the weight machines are set up, and the layout in general, so I went back last night. This is huge, as I absolutely hated every moment of being in the gym I had been going to.

My annoyance for the entire staff of the 24Hour at Great Hills was heightened yesterday when I swung by to get some meal replacement bars. As usual, the stupid male trainers were acting like teenage boys with too much testosterone, bouncing a volleyball back and forth with some pretty desk girls while I was trying to get someone to ring me up. And as PrettyDeskGirl was scanning said items, he made a huge show of throwing the ball up in the air and making a dramatic move as if he was going to spike the ball.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how these tools behave. That's why I hate that damn gym. Every time I go in, male trainers are horsing around in the lobby like 5th period Health class, when they have a trainers lounge just right off the lobby they could take this to. They're playing with their phones, or pulling the pigtails of the girls that are "working" at the desk, and it's all just so asinine and unprofessional. And these jackasses are supposed to be instructing ME? I mean, turn six already.

So I think that's why I'm loving this William Cannon 24 so much. At 12:30 a.m., there's no one there other than people who want to work out. No teenage-boy trainers flexing and jumping around in front of the female staff, trying to act and look cool like some John Hughes 80s-movie mating ritual. And I might actually get the pool to myself, a large girl's dream.


KICKASS CLICK OF THE WEEK:



It's called Ex-Boyfriend Jewelry, and it's not just an e-Bay-esque site for girls to get rid of the material remainders of the colossal wastes of oxygen they used to call their man. These girls also dish on their exes. Fab-u-lous! Where the hell was this site in 1996 when I was trying to get rid of my engagement ring...

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

A Mac you say?


I'm not entirely sure how I stumbled upon this, but it really, sadly, made so much sense.

Steve Jobs freaks the TSA

For those of you who won't follow the link, basically this regular guy just purchased the new MacBook Air and was flying with it for the first time. The TSA totally freaked because it had no ports, hard drive, etc. and detained this guy like he had a "device," which is apparently TSA parlance for "pack for Guantanamo." A younger member of the crew tried to convince his colleagues it's a MacBook Air and all is well, but as that usually goes, the older folks didn't listen to him and they made the guy launch it and run a program. Consequently he missed his flight.

I will say I have played with an Air at the Apple store, and it's freakin' sweet. Way pricey, but freakin' sweet. If I traveled and needed a laptop, it would definitely be a necessary purchase.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

A little Ditty

Because this made me happy today:



Click here if YouTube's being persnickety and won't load...

Thursday, March 13, 2008

South By Sara Bareilles


I have a new girl-crush. Her name is Sara Bareilles, and I stood 15 feet away from her today in Waterloo while she and her two-guy "band" played and sang the most amazing music.

Admittedly, I had only heard "Love Song" on the radio when I rolled into the store today, benefiting from early arrival and rock-star parking. As I managed to find a good spot in front of the raised dais they were setting up as a stage, I realized if I'd been smart like the people around me, I'd have cruised to the Ice House next door and acquired a lovely foamy adult beverage. Que Sara Sara.

By the time she came to sit down in front of the electric piano, the place was packed to capacity and they were turning people away at the door. Everyone around me was keeping a respectful distance from each other, though, so it wasn't the crush you might expect. Although, I gotta say, hey, you, 6ft3 girl in front of me, what the hell. Back against a wall, sister, no one could see around you.

She seemed pretty genuinely surprised that so many people would come see her in a record store, and even more surprised when she asked who was here in town for SXSW, and no one said a word. We were all local, as was apparent by the way we cheered her compliments about Austin and the extreme absence of hipster ID badges and neon wristbands.

Honestly, her voice was amazing. Not, like, Mariah Carey arpeggios or anything, but full of feeling and nuance. You could tell there was a soul there, and she interacted a lot with the audience as she was singing. There was a mother and about 6-year-old daughter in front of me, and that little girl knew all the words, let me tell ya. She was a cool enough kid that she just mouthed them, but a couple of times the kid caught Sara's eye and she'd smile at her while singing, and you could tell she and her two guys (an acoustic guitarist and drummer with a stripped-down kit) were really enjoying the enthusiasm and appreciative of the reception. the best part was the performance was being recorded for a compilation that will be released for Record Store Day on April 19. So you might actually get to hear me "Wooooo!" somewhere in there.

The line to sign stuff was forming after the performance, and I started to buy a disc and have her sign it, but two things stopped me: 1) I like my music digital, and that's technically green, and 2) the line snaked around the building and stopped directly in front of Amy's Ice Cream. I'm trying to be good, and I would roll an old lady for some Mexican Vanilla with strawberries. So in the end, I got in my car and cruised over to Baby Greens to get a kick-ass salad and got to work a scosch early.

There's also a chance some of us will get to see Bowling For Soup at the Cedar Door at 1 a.m. tonight/tomorrow morning. Details to follow in this unplanned SXSW adventure....

Friday, February 29, 2008

Since my spy name is Winter Rose...


This totally feeds my James Bond gadget fetish.... Three guesses what it is.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

A PILGRIMAGE

This Monday I took a little trip down Memory Lane, and I-35, when I cruised north to Waco and Baylor, my alma mater. A short road trip is something the doctor ordered for quite a while, although I didn't get the start I wanted and rushed the arrival. I've always thought half the fun is meandering to your destination, taking as much time and stopping as much as you want. Granted, that would have meant a stop in, what, Temple?

So I got to campus, and immediately headed to the bookstore for some gear, like I used to when I was in school and had money burning a hole in my pocket. Before I was 21 and could legally buy booze.

The bookstore, once this quaint little enclave, has now become this vast cave of green and gold. I immediately flashed back to my first jaunt into the store as a baby freshman, and felt like a kid in a candy store looking at all the cool stuff with "Baylor" written on it, amid a sea of interlocking BUs. This was my school, and I swelled with pride, thinking how hard it was to get in and how I'd figured out financial aid to make it happen. My friends in college joked that if they made BU bras and panties, I'd wear those too. They were not wrong. :-)

So when I was browsing, a sweet little old lady who worked there came to ask me if I needed help. When she found out I was an alum from '96, she was practically giddy and fascinated by what I was doing now, where I was living, etc. I think she was just excited to be around someone who was of legal drinking age and remembered the Reagan administration. But she gleefully checked me out and carefully bagged all my Baylor swag, guiding me to the softball and tennis pocket schedules available at the counter. A coworker's nephew plays for the tennis team, so I figured, eh, why the hell not.

I cruised to the next bookstore/gear store (there are four): The Spirit Shop. I should have gone there first, and remembered I always made the same mistake at school too. The spirit shop has different stuff, and it's all great.  They've got the best sticker and T-shirt selection in town, hands down, AND Monday everything was 33 percent off because they're moving. Cha-ching! After leaving, I was officially geared up.

My next stop was to find some good visitor parking. The Baylor PD was notorious in my day for towing vehicles in the wrong spot, and even if you were in visitor parking, you had to have this stupid permit displayed. So my goal was to find out-of-the-way parking they wouldn't notice, but at the same time would get me into campus.

I dodged into a space near Pat Neff Hall, the Baylor adminstration building and one of the trademarked symbols of the university, kinda like the UT Tower. Its bells got me to class every day, and marked the hours of my life for four years. I remember making out on campus with a guy I was going out with, and thinking how great it was that we could tell what time it was without looking at our watches.

PAT NEFF
Pat Neff Hall

The parking lot was tucked behind the SUB (Student Union Building), and out of the way enough that I could roam a bit. It also sat feet from the Carroll Science Building, which is ironically the English building, and was my favorite building on campus. The interior is completely done in hardwood, from the floors to the carved banisters to the heavy, ornate doors on each classroom and exit. It was so beautiful, in fact, that the Baylor powers that were decided to put classes on poetry and literature in there instead, to merge literary beauty with the physical. Or so the handed-down story goes.

Hopping out of my car and slinging my backpack over my shoulder, it struck me how well I suddenly blended in with the stream of students I was moving with; no one looked at me as if I was out of place. And I didn't feel that way either. My pace quickened with the flow of traffic, and my body remembered the rhythm of shuttling between classes, especially as I neared Carroll Science. As an English minor, I spent a lot of time in very enjoyable classes there, and my brain flooded with all the essays I'd BSed, all the blue-book exams I sweated.

After wandering around there for a little while, and seeing what faculty names I could recognize on the felt board, I trotted down those massive stairs like a giddy schoolgirl, and headed next door to the SUB. As I reached the door, some polite, good-looking young man stopped and held the door open for me and I thought to myself, "Man, these girls have it good." Don't get me wrong, he was a child, but if I was his age, well, there's a reason I don't remember much of my sophomore year.

We walked in on kids getting their pictures taken by a professional photographer and a backdrop: campaign photo day. Only then do you see young men in impeccable hairstyles, spotless button-downs, Windsor knots, and khaki shorts with flip-flops preening in front of the student government office. I think I voted maybe once in a stugov election, otherwise, it was the same spoiled, rich white kids doing the same things every year. From the look of the tie boys, this year will prove to be no exception.

The SUB was pretty much as I remembered it, except in the main lounge part, where there were computer terminals all over the place. I'd gone to school as the Internet was mewling its first cry of birth, and it's amazing how you can check your email and use the Web anytime from almost anywhere on campus. I noticed in every building I was in, there was a computer area at least on the ground floor, a far cry from the few in the library and the university suggestion that you buy your own.

So I started driving around, looking at familiar sights, until I found the building I'd heard so much about: the Student Life Center (which the kids, in an oh-so-Baylor way, call the Slick for its acronym). This sucker is amazing. It's got a fitness center to rival a 24-Hour Fitness, a huge pool; and lazy river (!), a Spirit and Traditions lounge, man, just follow the link and check this stuff out. I couldn't get in because you needed a student ID, but I found a pic online:


Inside the SLC, with the wave pool and waterslide

My next stop was the new science building, which just looked amazing. It was just completed a few years ago, and when I walked in I was greeted with a bank of touchscreens that served as a building map and information station. Big, huge windows that stretched from floor to ceiling illuminated a huge commons/lounge area with comfy sofas, tables, and every amenity your hard-at-work pre-med student needs.


The science building

I hit one of the beverage machines to get a Dr Pepper, because really, it's illegal to visit campus and not have one. I had to move to the water machine because the soft drink machine only takes BearBucks cards, and I marveled at how cool that would have been. No worries about change or money. Then I remembered, "Oh yeah, stupid, you have one of those. It's called a debit card."

After that, I hopped in the car and on a whim drove to the new baseball field. I say new, 'cuz it's new to me. This thing is a cathedral to college baseball. I saw the gates were open, so I grabbed my camera and said, "what the hell!"


Just inside the gates

It's so cozy but nice, and as I was marveling at how pretty it was, I heard a ping. I scrambled up the stairs, and got to see our baseball team on the field in the middle of practice.


Our boys in green


Bleachers and seating at the Baylor Ballpark


More practice

I sat and watched for a while, in prime seats I'd never get to enjoy during a game. This is a really nice ballpark, and I can just imagine with the crowd, the concessions, the other team, what a great experience a game must be. Either our pitchers are really good or our batters are really bad, but a couple of foul tips ended up outside the park. On my way to see the softball field, I picked up this little souvenir:



The softball stadium is a wee bit smaller, but just as nice and plush.



I could definitely enjoy a warm Saturday afternoon at the ballpark taking in a game from either squad. If I, you know, actually had Saturdays off. There's a baseball game in late April that's on a Tuesday, and I'm totally all over that one.


The front of the cathedral

On my way out, I drove past what used to be my apartment. Baylor had bought the land, apparently, because now there's a parking garage, a Chili's and Starbucks on the spot. The kids call it the garage-mahal. That was a little hard to see: a Starbucks on the same spot you and your fiance made out on your couch.

All in all, the sentimental journey was well worth it. It was deeply personal and reaffirming. For a while, I felt ashamed of where I went to school, because of some things the administration under Robert Sloan was doing and because our football team sucked rocks. From the alumni magazine,  I had gotten the feeling all these years that because I wasn't making six figures, I was a failure. I felt like I didn't belong.

Things all began to change once I got my ring, and I started to accept that like any major institution, especially a religious one, there are going to be some things that suck. That doesn't outweigh my experience, and the cool traditions and rhythms I've come to love about the university that, for four years, I called home. Visiting there, I got back in touch a little bit with the idealistic, hopeful, driven girl I was when I was there.

Getting back to me was the best road trip I could have taken.


On the way out of town, I stopped by the stadium. Little Daniel Sepulveda of the Pittsburgh Steelers has already made the wall of fame. Notice Walter Abercrombie and Mike Singletary only get names above him.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Meeeeeeeeeme.

A meme from Etienne, which feeds into my need for another name. Feel free to call me any of the following you like, although I'm partial to 11 and 12:
1. ROCK STAR NAME:(first pet, current car):
Ginger CRV (or Ginger Honda)

2. GANGSTA NAME: (fav ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe):
Mexican Vanilla Boots

3. NATIVE AMERICAN NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal):
Blue Lion

4. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born in):
Dawn Orange

5. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name)
Edglu

6. SUPERHERO NAME: (The 2nd favorite color, favorite drink):
Green Tea (umm, would I kill villains with antioxidants...?)

7. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
Jesse Frank

8. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy):
Blue Godiva

10. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter):
Adair Austin

11. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower):
Winter Rose

12. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now):
Blueberry Wristwatch

Thursday, January 24, 2008

WE GON' PARTY LIKE IT'S MY BIRFDAY

So I'm coming off a birthday/going-away bacchanal that culminated in my birthday celebration and a lunch which served as a denouement.

I didn't attend Katherine's lunch, regrettably. I tossed and turned and couldn't get to sleep until 6 a.m., with the lunch commencing all the way across Austin at 1 p.m. Needless to say, I was up by 12:45 with no hope of making it on time.

Her party Saturday was a blast. I am not exaggerating when I say that's the most leftover liquor I've ever seen at a party (including half a keg), which should give you some indication of what there was to start with. Everyone was sufficiently red-faced but remained composed, we all gulped down alcohol to kill the pain of saying goodbye to KDD, and there was damn fine cake.

Sunday was recuperation day for everyone but Blythe's helpful roommate Joey, who agreed to invite some mates over and work on the keg. Sunday night, I went to pick it up, and there was still I'd guess a quarter left. The sumbitch was really heavy, and after pulling the CRV into Blythe's back yard (as she suggested I do when I delivered it), I got the keg and tub all the way to the car and up against the back. And I began to fully realize how completely, totally, utterly out of shape I am compared to a few years ago.

At some point, I was going to have to lift the keg and tub up high enough to slide into the back of the CRV, about the top of my thigh. I also realized that was going to require rotation of my arms that I didn't think I had the strength for.

I really, really wanted to have beer for my birthday, and I was really, really frustrated that my wishes were being thwarted because my body wasn't cooperating. I was tired, mad, and after getting it to the car, had just enough adrenaline in me to get steamed. Before I knew it, I had rattled off a few f-bombs, snatched the tub handles, lifted from my ample ass and got it in there in one motion, actually amazing myself. And kinda straining a butt muscle. Then I heard Katherine in my head: "CRITIA SMAAASH!" And indeed I did.

Monday was muuuuuuuch better. As I told a friend on the phone, a birthday that starts out with a half keg of beer in your living room isn't a bad day. At 8 we were reclining in a booth at the downtown P.F. Chang's, sampling glorious grub and eating free chocolate cake, thank you Amy. And Tim, the only guy, was chivalrous and paid for us all. So I had a man buy me dinner on my birthday. Again, so far so good.

We walked a block (!) to the Cedar Door, and immediately got tucked in for a night of revelry. Chronicle "Easy Street" ads were read aloud, Mexican Martinis were downed in one, the rest of the crew got there and in all, we had a blast. This sounds silly, but I got cool things from Raeanne and Blythe, who, as Raeanne put it, "went shopping on our desks." I actually preferred those things, since they have a story and belonged to a friend beforehand.

It was really cool to look down the table and see all the people that came out to help me celebrate my birthday. That's really all I wanted, a simple get-together with the gang where we could talk about everything and nothing. It was a great 34th.

AND I WAS A LIBERAL ARTS MAJOR (edited)

We got an email (from someplace I can't name)  involving Texas curriculum standards. Witness:

"OK, I offer a free cold, refreshing beverage of your choice (snip) to the (snip) who can -- without using the Internet -- answer ANY of the following questions from the state's new college readiness curriculum standards for Texas:

• Use slopes to describe the steepness and direction of lines in the coordinate plane and to determine if lines are parallel, perpendicular or neither.
• Recognize and describe univariate and bivariate data.
• Describe and explain the significance of historical development of quantum theory, modern atomic theory, biological evolution and plate tectonics.
• Qualitatively and quantitatively describe Newton’s Law of Gravitation and the factors that affect the gravitational force between two objects.

(And for the record, they are all too hard for me.)"

And here were my answers, without the benefit of the InterWebs:

1) Parallel lines share at least one X coordinate, and never intersect. They also each bear the same Y coordinate for the entire line (ex. Line 1's Y is 5, Line 2's Y is 10), otherwise they would be a parabola. The degree difference is 0. Perpendicular lines share an X and Y coordinate, but only one, and one line measures 90º from the other. Parabolas would fall into neither.

2) Univariate has only one variable in play in an experiment, bivariate has two?

3) The significance of all these subjects is huge, as I don't have to tell you. Quantum theory has told us everything we know about black holes, as well as actually giving birth to atomic theory, since quantum mechanics have to do with matter in an indivisible state. Once we split the atom, bang, (so to speak), atomic theory. Plate tectonics have enabled us to predict natural disasters, as well as understand how the earth is held together, basically sheets of rock floating on magma that occasionally rub each other the wrong way.

4) I forget what qual- and quant- mean without looking it up, but I know the gravitational force between two objects is in direct proportion to the mass of both objects.

And now I can't remember my name.