It's over, people

Occasionally yours truly performs a public service/waxes off on a rant. Today, chirren, it is my sworn duty to inform the general public about things that are just plain OVER.

• Decals featuring cartoon characters that look suspiciously like Calvin (from Calvin & Hobbes) peeing on logos. These also come in a "naughty-pull-your-pants-down-kiss-this!" variation. Please stop, these make me stabby.


• Claiming a broadcasting company (FOX, CBS, etc.) has an anti-Christian agenda, and/or is specifically pushing left-wing nutjob stances such as "baby-killing" or "taking away the rights of Christians across America." Especially when your source is an email or something you read on someone's profile on Facebook. OVER.


• "Girl" hats, jerseys, etc. that are the same logo as a team, but in a color scheme comprised of pink and white. Because you're a lesbian unless you wear pink in the stands, apparently.


• Using food knowledge to make yourself cool, and above everyone else. Seriously, at the end of the day, you still eat it and it's digested, just like the food un-hip people eat. You're not saving lives, so trust when I tell you you're not even half as important as you think you are. And food is supposed to bring people together, not separate cool from uncool.


• Posh and Becks. Goodbye, enjoy Milan. One of you needs to get a singing career, one of you needs to score some goals; I don't care which one of you performs which.

"So, David, which color is my away kit? You've got to show me that bend for my goal kicks.."


• High school athletes naming Jesus Christ in the five-people-to-have-dinner-with question. I know your your youth group leader will be really disappointed in you, but try naming a human you admire. I mean, JC was a cool guy, but chances are while you're trying to dish on the latest ep of "Gossip Girl," he'll want to dominate the conversation with something heavy, like the salvation of the world and stuff.


• Middle-aged white men using street jargon. Trust when I tell you the man you're talking to is not your "G", when you exit a room you in no way "bounce," and for the love of all that's holy, that is most certainly not "how you roll." Just straighten your tie and scuttle back to your job at Dell.
Word.

Please contribute to the betterment of society and pass this vital information on. Stay tuned for further updates.