Question and Answer with Critia

Due to some confusion, bewilderment and surprise at the new love in my life, I have prepared an FAQ to assist some my friends and chosen family. For those of you who haven't heard, or haven't met her, I'm dating possibly the most wonderful girl in the world and her name is Christina. Email me for details...

Christina hangin' with Elaina and some of the kids from The Company

1) So, was your dating life with guys such a disaster that you just switched to girls and gave up?

Well, yeah it *was* kind of a disaster, but a lot of it was I wasn't finding what I was looking for. I honestly believe that people are like puzzle pieces: you can bang them together to make them lock up, but in the end you damage both pieces and the fit isn't good anyway.

When I met Christina, the fit was perfect. I had this secret checklist that only God and I knew about, and I honestly thought I'd never find anyone that met everything on that list until I met her. I really struggled for what seems like forever with this conundrum: if I've found what I'm looking for in a person, am I going to let society dictate who I'm in a relationship with because she's a girl? Should I pass up a shot at happiness that seems surer than any other so far because people like Fred Phelps think it's wrong?

Yeah, y'all know how I feel about society anyway.


2) Wow, I kinda don't know how to act around you now. Will you get offended if I talk about hot guys, or want to get pedis, or go shopping?

I promise you I am the *exact* same person I was two weeks ago, two months ago. I still think some men are attractive (Gerard Butler), effing LOVE pedis at Maximum FX, and can't wait to drop 30-40 lbs so I can fit into some hot designer labels. You don't have to edit yourself around me, in fact, I highly discourage it. I don't like my friends edited, I prefer the director's cut.

3) Isn't this a bit sudden?

Well, I've never been one to be patient, plodding, wait around for a sign or a course of action. I was told once by someone I admired to "pick a star and follow it." I could list all the signs, portents, and coincidences that led me to believe this is the right path, but no one would understand them but me, because that's how those things are, highly specific to whatever person is supposed to get the message.

The upshot, kids, is that at the core of my being I am confident that this is what I need to do. Plus Katy Perry and a catchy beat told me to do it. :-)

4) So are you gonna stop wearing makeup altogether, chop your hair and wear flannel?

Yyyyyeah, right after I chuck it all and become a trucker. Admittedly my appearance has taken a serious downturn because of my general attitude toward my vocation and my life, but that's going to change, and it started last night. I even got hit on by the valet, so apparently the "cougar" stamp is still on my forehead.

And mullets are so over with.

5) I'm your friend and I'm a girl. Will you at any point hit on me?

YES. Expect that any time now. Seriously, a hug's still just a hug, a compliment is still just support from one sister to another. Nothing about how I feel about my friends has changed at all. Honestly, I'm just attracted to Christina, and not anymore anyone who'll buy me tequila.. :-P

6) I'm your friend and I'm a guy. This is kinda hot.
Yes, Scott Foil, I know. Now please let some other people ask some questions...

7) Do you no longer have a reflection?
We've been over this, Phil, it's a partial image...

8) I think that being gay is morally and/or biblically wrong.
Who let Sarah Palin in here? ... Yeah, then I'm not sure why you were my friend to begin with. I mean, you *know* me, right?

9) Can you help me fix my car?
Unfortunately dating a girl didn't automatically give me the lesbian superpowers I'd hoped for, like furniture construction and auto repair. And according to Elaina and Phil I still have the music tastes of a gay man.